A divergent path

A divergent path- a route separate from another route, 

especially a main one, leading in a different direction.

Thus has my life altered...a path different from the one I had supposed, from the one that was planned. The original path had a clear ending, the happy ending that had been the plan, the goal for 34 years. The path that had been promised, or maybe (in reality) the one that had been hoped for is no longer one that I can walk.

Life is hard, its supposed to be. We are here to learn, to grow, to experience trials and choose for ourselves where our next steps will take us. We walk a path of uncertainty it seems, so many things are beyond our ability to control. They slide in and out of our lives, bringing heartache and joy and lessons to learn. Every day we face something new, for good or bad. And it molds and shapes us.

But I think the hardest part about life is those we allow into it. Some are there only briefly and others much longer. Either can leave a mark, and I have been molded and shaped by all of them.

A relationship that took more than it gave, and taught a young girl a lesson of sorrow, but also of courage.
A friend gained over a car horn in the night---a friendship that has been forever, at times distant yet always there.
A friend gained during weekend youth conference who shared a message never forgotten, a message that gave a sure foundation when it was needed--a brief moment in time yet profound.
Four children that are loved so much, who brought joy, happiness, a feeling of completeness, and yet also pain, sorrow and a sense of failure.
A love that was supposed to last, but somehow got lost along the way...and there the path diverges.

Where do I go from here? This path that lies before me is unknown, and rather lonely. I want to say I am not afraid, but in truth.. I am. I am afraid of what lies beyond the next turn. I am afraid of what I might find out about myself on this journey. I am afraid of what I will leave behind, of the price that has been paid or will be paid as I take the next step.

But I am reminded that "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."

And so I step on the path and begin....