Conference

Ok, so God knows us, hears our please, and answers them. Elder Richard G. Scott clearly answered my question regarding where answers come from. He stated that it isn't always an easy path, that it takes patience, and understanding, that we need to rely on God and the Holy Ghost to answer our pleas. He stated that it is a wonderful gift that we can go to God for help. Sister Mastumori also commented on the correct way to ask for and receive inspiration. And finally on Sunday Elder Russel M. Neilson also explained the wonderful process that we are privileged to have. The Holy Ghost is a gift from God, one that we can rely on if we are truly listening to the quiet messages sent to us.

General Relief Society meesages to me.

I was grateful for the opportunity to attend General Relief Society Saturday evening. I even took notes as I searched for answers for the questions I have been facing.

The messages I found for myself were:

Eliminate the non-essentials in your life.
Visiting Teaching is an official calling-it is a faith based work and is never "finished".
Never suppress a generous thought.
If we do our part in giving service, angels will be our associates.
The gap is the place between what we know is right and what we actually do.
There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God.
Feelings of charity come from God.

***Angles do not come in the form of cards,
but in service opportunities that are either given or received.***

Messages.....

Messages come from many sources, the Holy Ghost being the main source. Others may be prompted to tell you something, this being an answer. Sometimes we do not like the source that the answer comes from so we reject it or deny the possibility of the truth told to us.

What is confusing is that the world has many ideas on getting answers for questions. Psychics, tarot cards, etc... those using these methods feel they are in tune with the "other side" and that they can help you seek the answers for the questions you are faced with.

Recently I had someone use one of these methods on me. The were using what was called "Angel Cards." I was told to place them on my heart for a time. Then I pulled four random cards from the deck. It was a rather interesting combination of messages-I have been considering my current job and the stress that comes from it.. I am gone a lot and working a lot, I am distracted and closed off. It has caused a lot of stress at home. I have wondered whether I should return to school to gain some more specific skills ion my position so that I am better capable of doing my job. But how do I take on one more thing? How do I add something more to my schedule? I have felt a huge frustration with my marriage, I am distant from John, and I have a lot of frustrating feelings that I do not know how to express, they are selfish and will probably cause more harm than good. So I remain silent and I bury my feelings, but they are still there. In my job I have been pulled away from the clients, I no longer have interaction with them and I miss that, yet there is no way to change that without once again adding to my current work load. No answers.....

But what upsets me most is that these "messages" although so close to what I am currently feeling, are not coming from God. I know that messages or promptings can come from a lot of sources, but are these real? Or are they something to pull me away from the truth, and the promptings of the Holy Ghost? I have felt Satan working on me overtime lately, pulling at my thoughts and emotions, encouraging the bitterness and resentment that I am struggling with. Is this one more ploy to turn me in a different direction?

It is definitely time for some personal reflection....and I know that to do it right I need to turn to God.

One year ago tomorrow my father passed away. Seems a time for reflection.

What have I learned?

Everyone deals with grief in a different way...
Old wounds close slowly...
Memories fade quickly...
The "what ifs" are hard to face...
Death doesn't always changes things...
Ask questions now rather than later...
Take lots of pictures...save them all...
Write things down when they happen so the memory remains fresh...
Put the past in the past and bury it deep...

I love you Dad...wish you were here so I could tell you this in person.

Why is it.....

Why is it that the people you want the most for, the you put your heart into are the ones that can hurt you the most. They are the ones that can take what you value most and turn it to dust. They can take a precious moment and waste it away. They can turn a thought felt statement into a painful conversation.
I have found that the more that I out into someone (a relationship, friendship, work commitment etc..) the more I run the risk of getting hurt. Yet inst that what life is about? The risk of finding joy or getting hurt, the growth that comes from experiencing both parts of life. We need to be heard, validated, understood, accepted, respected, and so we search for those who will give us those things we search for, taking the risk of the pain that may come in the hopes of discovering the joy.

Thoughts on the mountain top.

The opportunity to go to Beaver mountain has become (as my father-in-law stated) a sacred time. We did not get to go last year due to many things so this year we were excited to make the trip.

There is something about this place that brings me closer to God in many ways. Some might jokingly say that it is because we are so high up (10,000 feet above sea level) but I believe it is the disconnect from the world.

Listening to the wind blow through the trees, or the silence of the afternoon. Watching the tars slowly appear one by one until the say is full of them. Seeing the moon creep over the tops of the trees bathing the meadows in silvery light, or even more dramatic the colorful sunsets.
It is simple there, just peace.
Every year when I sit by the fire under the stars I hear the words of my favorite hymn, they creep into my mind reminding me of why it is all there for me to enjoy.

Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
They power throughout the universe displayed.

When thru the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
and hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze

And when I think that God his son not sparing
Sent him to die, I scarce can take it in.
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin.

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation!
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
and there proclaim, my God how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee,
How great thou art, How great thou art.
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee,
How great thou art.......How great thou art!

A sunday visit to the Provo Temple

So I promised Kirsten that we would go driving this morning. So we took a ride down to the Provo temple to give her some good road experience. (she did well by the way)

The temple was beautiful. The flowers in full blossom with a riot of colors that drew the eye. The floral scent filled the air as we walked along the path to the east side of the temple. As we walked I shared with Kirsten my past experiences with this beautiful place.

When I was a Senior in High School my best friend and I used to walk this path almost every Sunday morning. It was Jacque's idea, one that I at first rolled my eyes about. But it became an anxiously awaited event. We would talk about our future husbands (as all teenage girls do) and future families. It was such a peaceful place which made all of our plans seem possible.

It was only a year or so later that I was married in this same temple. John and I were late to our own wedding. We misinterpreted the instructions and arrived the same time as the guests. Needless to say we were rushed through, but I can remember walking out of those same doors and feeling that sense of "rightness" about the day.

Kirsten shared with me her desire to serve a mission, I was pleased to hear it and we talked about that great opportunity. We talked about her grandparents that have served and the hope that someday I would be able to serve with her dad. She expressed her nervousness about the next year and the opportunity to date, realizing that it was a step towards adulthood. (I reminded her that it was still a long ways away and as a parent we need to keep that in mind :)....)

The temple grounds have changed. They have added more flowers and another fountain, but it is still the same place where a young girls dreams were planned and then came to be.