My sanctuary

There is a little sanctuary

Colored a peaceful shade of blue

Where you can hide away from the world

and find peace so true.

The chimes outside dance in the wind

A soothing melody,

It opens up the mind to seek

Gifts of creativity.

In this room your mind is free

To take pencil or pen in hand

A painting, a story, a poem, or a sketch

Whatever your heart demands.

The walls are lined with many books

that take you to a faraway place.

Others have pictures on every page

That brings a smile to anyone’s face.

You will find creatures that are soft to hold

They bring comfort to a weary soul.

If you hold one close to your heart you’ll sense

A sweet peace that makes you feel whole.

There are words of wisdom on the walls

From the wisest of ones I know

Pooh & Piglet, Wild Things, and Suess

Advice to help us all grow.

In one corner stands a wise old tree

Where under the branches you’ll find,

A soft chair that says “come sit, come rest,

And ease your weary mind.”

This sanctuary is yours to have

To escape the stresses of the day

To feel young at heart, to refresh your soul

To remember how to play.

So come inside, enter in

and sit beneath the tree

it won’t be long before you find

yourself lost in childhood memories.

All will be well

Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9
My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all they foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

HOPE

HOPE: The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.To believe, desire, or trust: To feel that something desired may happen....

I feel a lack of hope....or I did. But even now that feeling it tainted by the reality of the situation. 

A teaser...a possibility based on an event....it may or may not mean anything...it may just be a token effort to make amends, or out of personal need. It doesn't mean anything has changed, it doesn't mean the end will be different. It just means that for now there is a place of balance....for today I can ease the pain.

But tomorrow? The reality remains, all is not well.

Do I prepare for the worst and hope for the best or hope for the best and prepare for the worst? It is all in how my mind is set, how I choose to be....

I don't know which it will be...for I don't know what to believe in anymore. 

Whisperings

This morning I woke with a heavy heart. Hope was a fleeting thought. I went through the motions of the day and tried to keep my turmoil to myself.
I found in my church bag the magnets I had made for the lesson in relief society. The image of the child jumping for joy with the words REJOICE in the middle stood out in my mind. I struggled to take the message into my heart. I gave one to Kirsten my youngest daughter and told her to remember that there was much to rejoice over in the world. She smiled and her face lit up. She said in a tone of conviction.."I know." She then shared the experience she had the night before as she read her scriptures. She was reading in Alma where Amulek was teaching King Laman. He expressed his desire to know the truth of God. She took the message as "if someone who doesn't really know that God exists has such faith to know why do I...who all ready knows struggle to just believe?" She was so excited about the message she had received that during sacrament she was almost shaking with energy. She finally got up and bore her testimony about the message she had learned. It was a pure testimony one of truth and simplicity.
I felt the spirit whisper confirmation to me that my Savior is with me, that he loves me and that he knows my pain. the confirmation that I am strong enough to see this through to whatever end comes. The truth that I can only change myself, and in that process I will find the answers I am seeking and the peace that has recently eluded me. I could not deny what I was told and so in turn bore my own testimony of what I had learned from my daughter.

I heard the message....now I need to trust in it. 

My safe place....a memory put to paper.

Lost talent rediscovered

I had forgotten how good it feels to take pencil in hand and bring an image to life on paper. Here are a few of my renewed attempts.

The Prince of Peace

I am in a place of darkness, surrounded by whispering voices

They say you are not whole because of your choices.

The place is dark and cold, I am alone and afraid.

I can’t see the path that before me is laid.

My feet are frozen in place. My soul cries for release.

The darkness creeps closer, I feel no sense of peace.

My soul is tormented, harrowed by grief,

I long to be rescued, I long for relief.

A light inside dimmed by the night

Pulses softly, not giving up the fight.

“Someone has done it”. A soft voice speaks

“He all ready saved you If you only believe.”

My faith isn’t strong enough, I bow my head in shame

He suffered for me. His pain bears my name.

The darkness closes around me I feel it across my soul

The seductive power of despair. How can I escape the pull?

A thought crosses my mind, a whisper of a promise fulfilled.

“He loves you complete…He loves you whole, he loves you still.”

It can’t be true, how can it be? My distraught mind asks.

I am not worthy, am I not true. I have failed in the most important tasks

I have not loved as I should, I have not given as I could

I have not trusted the gift, I have left an un-healable rift

I have pushed away my Savior, My friend and my healer

To wallow in self pity, and hold to things petty.

How am I worthy of such an offer? I shudder to think of the cost

My failures have added to the man who saves those who are lost.

The light within smiles, a warmth begins to spread

Banishing  the darkness and the cold feeling of dread.

“Because he is who is he is”. The light proclaims

“The Savior of all who call on his name.”

“You are his…” The voice commands

“Come unto him who truly understands.”

My heart is weak, I shed tears doubt.

But my hand stretches out into the darkness around.

A hand touches mine…Closes so tightly

The Light from within glowing so brightly.

Showing the path so recently hidden

By the darkness that held my soul in prison.

I stumble along being led down the path

Uncertain who holds my hand so fast.

The warmth fills my soul and pulses in my mind

“Peace be unto you.” It whispers so kind.

 “Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty Father,  the Prince of Peace.

He is the once that can give release.”

The darkness fades I walk in the light

The world around me seems so bright.

I turn to see who led my way

Not knowing what I could ever say.

He stands by my side His hands outstretched

In his palms my name appears etched.

“Why did you choose to suffer alone?

When I already bore the pains of your soul.”

He draws me in holding me in his embrace

Peace fills my soul an unfamiliar taste.

“Prince of Peace” I truly believe

His gift to me I gratefully receive.

“You are stronger than you think” His gentle voice speaks

“You can overcome the trials that make you feel weak.

You have the power within the strength God given,

To become the woman that you have hidden.

The deceiver would have you doubt the divinity of your soul

He lost his own In his want for control.”

“You are a woman of strength, a daughter of God.

A choice maiden of heaven who holds to the rod.

You may stumble and fall but never forget

I am by your side, I will always protect.

I am you brother, your savior your friend indeed.

I will never leave you in your time of need. “

He kissed me softly, his love filled my soul.

He left me there but alone no more.

Afraid? At times yes but I trust in his word.

I will never leave you…his voice I heard.